Today is a "Some Day"

I told you there are three kinds of days in our family right now:  a few great days, mostly good days, and those "some days" when my Dad is just a shell of who he was.

I sit here at his laptop typing this...in the midst of one of those "some days."  I came to help him with some important paperwork we have been promising each other we would complete for about a month now.  But he never feels up to it.  I was hoping today was the day, but it isn't to be.  Dad just got up at 3 p.m. for the first time today, ate a sandwich, chips, grapes, and his favorite (Blue Bell Strawberry and Homemade Vanilla ice cream), then immediately went back to bed.  He probably won't get up again til tomorrow.  He seems to be sleeping his life away and it isn't his fault.  He isn't depressed.  His brain just needs extra rest because it is sick.

That's what I have to tell my daughter, Morgan, who will be five in a few short weeks.  Papa's brain is sick.  She prays for God to heal his brain, and oh how I hope those prayers are answered.  We are a family that believes in prayer and that Jesus still heals.  Don't think that just because we have accepted LBD as his current diagnosis that we have accepted it as his death sentence.  Our God is still in the business of healing and until each of our final breaths, we will pray and believe for healing each day.  My little Morgan reminds me that Papa's brain CAN be healed.

I'm blessed that Morgan has some good memories of a healthy Papa, too.  My heart breaks when I think of my sister's 33 month old son and my brother's 11 month old daughter who may never know or remember a healthy Papa.  It just doesn't seem fair for a 64 year old man to be robbed of enjoying his grandchildren.  Or for his grandchildren to be robbed of him.

On those "some days" like today, Dad gets out of bed looking confused and scared...like a little boy who is lost.  I ask him how he feels and he says, "blank."  I say, "Do you feel confused?"  

"No, I just feel blank."

Then, he shuffles with stooped shoulders and unsteady gait to the front of the house for his meal, checks the mail at the box, and gets back in bed.  Lewy Body Disease combines symptoms of both Alzheimers and Parkinsons.  It's like a double whammy...takes away your mind and body all in one fell swoop.  The shuffling is one of the Parkinsonism symptoms. 

Behind every rain is a rainbow...somewhere.  You may not see it right away, you may have to look for it.  But it's there.  It's God's promise.  Behind every "some day" is a better day.  It will come soon.  Chin up.  Dad will be better tomorrow.

~Ashley